she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
