I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A+ Viking dick
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
