I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
id be glad to
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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