I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
