Just fell off a train. Bad.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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