Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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