Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
