literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
