Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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