There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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