Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just google imaged poop.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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