I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
