I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
birth control should be required to get into college
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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