Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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