She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
