I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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