walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize