Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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