I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want nice things and good sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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