I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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