Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
