All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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