We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
