Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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