i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
