He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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