Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
