i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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