Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
