i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
