someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
