We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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