Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
