you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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