yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
