I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
