Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
