I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
