all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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