is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
