Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
