okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
