Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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