I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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