Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think i just naturally attract stoners
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
