fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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