Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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