Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
