i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
