I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
