i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
