Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was CRYING into my vagina
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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