i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
