Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
