I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
can u get pink eye on your cock?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
