I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
