I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
