Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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