to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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