Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Bring me that man meat
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
