This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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