Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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