You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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