Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize