blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
