we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
