You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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