lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
