If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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