you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
