Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
