No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't deserve a penis
We have started to decorate penises.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
