So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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